Tough Choices - Living with Alzheimer's Disease

First I would like to Thank You, each and everyone of you who offered kind thoughts and prayers for my family yesterday.  You are truely appreciated and so are your prayers.

I have decided to shed a little light on our family situation, for one to be able just talk about it feels good.  I thought maybe there would be some advice to be found as well.

First, I'm going to share a story, a story of a loving, generous, kind-hearted woman that came into my life about four years ago.  She was born in 1925 to an unwed mother, in those days taboo, she found a loving home with "new" parents, who adopted her and loved her as their own.  She grew up in the country, boarded with different families during her teenage years so she could go to high school and get a diploma.  She worked for these families in exchange for room and board, housekeeping, tending to their children, etc.

She graduated, got married, a job and had a child, her only child.  Without details, that marriage didn't work, and she divorced (kind of frowned upon too back then too).   After a while, she remarried, moved back to the country, where she continued to work her job, helped on the farm and became a mother to her new husbands' children.  They had a happy life, finally retired and sold the farm, did some traveling - even got to dip her toes into the Pacific Ocean once.  While on the farm, she lost her one and only biological child to a hunting accident at the age of 12.  Soon after retiring, she lost her husband to a stroke.

Still, she persevered, moved on with her life and made anew eventually.  This time she married my husbands' father who had lost his wife (my husband's Mom) to cancer.  She welcomed even more children into her life, although they were grown, she thought of them as hers. 

Now, my hubby and his father never had a close relationship, not the kind that a Father and Son usually have.  So, there was never much contact.  I didn't get to know this woman until the passing of my hubby's Father just a few years ago. 

Over the past 4 years, she and I have developed a very close relationship.  I take her to all of her doctor's appointments, for groceries, do her yard work, read the papers that confuse her, involve her as much as I can in our lives and listen to her stories of old many times which she can remember as if it happened yesterday.  She still lives alone, not too far from us, but I don't think she will be able to for much longer.  This blessed soul is suffering from the affects of Alzheimer's Disease.  I have watched it progress, seems to be getting much worse over the past few months.  Up until now, she has been able to carry out daily activities with little difficulty, now daily life is getting confusing too.

Her other step-children have really no involvement in her life, yes, they send cards and gifts for holidays.  They call on the phone once in a while, but are not there on a daily basis.  Some live too far away, understood, and others simply don't take the time.  This decision would probably be much easier for them to make, but I don't know.

Now we have come to a point in our lives and hers to make some tough choices.  It is time to make these decisions while she still can.  Does she sell her home and move into an elderly home, that's one choice.  Do we have her move in with us, that is another choice.  While I would love to jump at the chance to offer her a place to live, surrounded by people that love her, we simply don't have the room, we would have to build on.  There are so many things to consider, for our lives and hers.

This is the first time in my life that I have been personally affected by this disease.  I have known many other families that have, but until I became personally involved I really didn't have a true understanding of how difficult it is or can be.  If we were to build on and move her in, eventually we would not be able to leave her alone.  As this disease progresses, she will need 24 hour care and supervision for her safety.  That's where the tough choices come in, we have a family with a young child.  Do we sacrifice being able to go for away for the occasional long weekend or even a day trip with our daughter while she is still young, being able to make spontaneous decisions?  Or, do we sacrifice being able to offer a warm and inviting place for our loved one to live out her days? 

I would be grateful to hear your thoughts and/or advice.  Hubby and I have talked and talked about it, yet still we can not decide what would be best for everyone involved.  If anyone out there has been through this type of situation, is living through this situation or knows someone that is, your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Blessings to All my Friends,